Table of Contents
Introduction
So, you’ve finally made it! After hundreds, maybe even thousands of video calls, late-night texts, goodbyes, mini arguments, and crying sessions, you and your partner are ready to close the gap from a long-distance relationship to in-person dating. That’s super exciting and maybe you’re also a little anxious about it. But let’s be real: while being together with your lover and potential lifelong partner is physically and mentally exhilarating, it can also feel overwhelming at first.
You might be wondering… how do I best make this all work and go smoothly without throwing everything out the window. Fear not, I’ve gone through exactly what you’re going through right now, or maybe you are about to go through! I’ve compiled a list of 10 essential tips to help you smoothly transition from long-distance to in-person dating.
1. Communicate Your Expectations
Before you both meet face-to-face, it’s crucial to lay all your cards on the table. What are your expectations? Are you looking to be exclusive right away, or do you want to take things slow? Discussing these details can help avoid misunderstandings and set the tone for your relationship.
I just want to say right now, if you’ve been holding back on your honesty with your physical appearance due to your insecurity, don’t do that. You don’t want your partner to have any false expectations of you before you meet up. That is something that could negatively impact your relationship greatly and cause some reactions that you really don’t want to see or hear. If you misrepresented yourself enough online then you shouldn’t be surprised when your relationship fails from the beginning.
My advice to you is to let it all out before you meet up. Show them those unfiltered selfies from all of the normal angles and tell them about that giant mole on your left butt cheek. This is just as much for your sake as well as theirs. You’ll feel less anxious about meeting up if you know that your self-perceived flaws are out in the open.
Some Key Points:
- Be open about your feelings. You should communicate everything with your partner beforehand, while you’re still seated in your usual online dating seat. Let them know how you’re feeling about closing the gap. It’s okay to not feel one hundred percent excited and over the moon about all of this. You will naturally feel nervous about such an enormous event happening in your life; ESPECIALLY because of how dang long you’ve suffered and waited for this moment, and it’s finally here!
- Discuss your relationship goals. You’ve probably already done this extensively with your partner over your calls. We’ve all talked about how we want that perfect wedding one day, three children, and that wonderful house by the lake. For right now though, realize that things are getting more serious, and just beginning. You’re about to start a new life where you don’t know what’s going to happen and what to expect. You need to talk about more short-term, realistic, and relevant relationship goals. Plan things like going on at least one date a week, and cuddling for 17 minutes in the morning before you do anything else.
- Clarify any boundaries you might have. Again, you’ve probably already gone over most of your boundaries with one another, but just make sure that all the important ones are out there. Sexual boundaries, cleanliness, household, familial, religious, and any other personal boundaries you might have. Hopefully, you can work through whatever gets thrown your way, that’s how y’all grow as a couple.
2. Plan Your First Meeting Wisely
When you’re going from long-distance to in-person dating, the first meeting is something that you’ve been thinking about for a while; it’s kind of a big deal, right? Choose a spot that feels comfortable for both of you. Whether it’s a cozy café or a scenic park, make sure it’s a place where you can both feel the most comfortable for this fated meeting.
On the other side of the coin, don’t sweat it too much. You already know this person, so bring a gift if you want, wear something nice, and prepare yourself for a ton of smiling and laughing. I’m getting happy just thinking about the time I got to meet my partner for the first time; it felt SO weird (not being online), but it was the best feeling ever.
Tips for Planning:
- Consider each other’s comfort zones. Your most comfortable spot might be the skatepark or the rock climbing gym, but theirs is the car in a parking lot. Just do what you both agree on, if one of you is under much more stress than the other then what the heck, simply not fair.
- Have a backup plan in case things don’t go as expected. There’s always the chance that it won’t be all sunshine and rainbows and it won’t go even close to as you expected, and maybe even they won’t be like you expected. Like I was saying before, clear up any false expectations that there may be to raise the chances of everything going smoothly. If you lied about what car you had back when y’all first started talking because you wanted to appear wealthy then now’s the time to come clean. Getting caught in a big lie like that will bid horribly for your relationship after you two meet up.
3. Take It Slow at First
As exciting as it is to finally be together, don’t rush into things. After all, you’re going from talking over the phone and video to in-person, and it’s a significant change.
And although I say not to rush into things, dive in head first if the vibes are right. You may find yourself amid a sweet honeymoon phase that neither of you anticipated in the first place, at least not so quickly after meeting!
I just mean to remember to take the time to enjoy each other’s company and let the relationship develop naturally without forcing anything. Ask questions, a lot of questions. In a way, this is a whole new relationship even though you’ve known each other long distance for some time.
When it comes to intimacy, don’t rush that either unless things lead to things and that’s how it goes. If only one of you is comfortable with intimacy then you will stay at the level of the least comfortable person. I’d say that that’s pretty logical. If the conversation lulls, that’s okay too, no reason to force it and make things uncomfortable.
Take drives together, go on random dates, and fully embrace the fact that you can now see and hear your loved one in the flesh. You can watch them poop, hug them whenever you want, get their hair in your eyes, and exist in the same coordinates. Get to know each other in ways that you never could before while cyber-dating. Don’t be afraid to take leaps into the inner workings of their mind when the situation calls but just go with the flow.
4. Embrace the Awkwardness
There is no getting around it, unless the two of you are the most social extroverted butterflies out there, there will be awkward moments. Just don’t take that as a negative thing, it’s natural. The fact that you even can experience a real-life awkward moment with your lover is wonderful in and of itself.
You might stumble over your words or feel so nervous that your hand becomes more moist than the Amazon rainforest. If that happens just wipe it off on your shirt and act like nothing happened. Just kidding though, it’s probably better to point out that your hand is sweaty because you’re nervous and to apologize, you could even make a joke out of it if you want.
At this point in your relationship, I don’t think it’s too crazy to assume you should be able to talk about things like this with your partner. You’ve been long-distance dating for a good amount of time and I know from experience that many conversations are had over those late-night calls. Embrace the awkward moments; they often lead to memorable moments that y’all can look back and laugh on in the future.
How to Handle the Awkwardness:
- Laugh it off when things get awkward. Please do not be that guy or gal who loudly exclaims “awkwarddd” when there’s silence too long for your liking. That just makes the situation ten times more awkward. Do not feel like there needs to be conversation at all times. Silence is OKAY. If you can laugh at the awkwardness out loud and talk about it together casually, even better.
5. Create New Memories Together
Your “in-person” memories begin on that very first moment that you guys lay eyes on one another. Live in the moment, but know that you’ll soon look back on the times you two spent together while smiling and laughing.
When my girlfriend and I first met after being long-distance, the memories started before we even saw one another. She decided she wanted me to close my eyes until she was right up on me. She said she was nervous about me seeing her. We were on the phone the whole time as I just stood there in the middle of a random courtyard and she talked to me while hurriedly walking towards me as I had no idea where she was or from which direction she was coming from. I knew when she was just about ten feet from me because I started to hear her voice in real life and I couldn’t hold back any longer, uncovered my eyes and closed the rest of the distance.
Don’t take any of the time you have together for granted. Do everything that you wanted and planned to do over those late-night video calls.
Try new things together, go to places yet explored, and take lots of pictures! The point is, yes memories create themselves, but you want to bake those quality memories; those juicy A5 Wagyu beef memories. Time flies; don’t waste what time you do have.
Fun Ideas for New Memories:
- Go on mini adventures. Just get in the car and drive. This is good when you can’t think of anything else to do. It’s a great idea that can have you witnessing random beautiful sunsets and other wonders that this great Earth has to offer.
- Bake a cake together. Each of you bakes a cake and sees which one turns out better. This is one of the very first things I did with my love.
6. Stay Connected Even When Together
This point may sound a bit odd, but even when you’re physically together, you have to maintain a strong emotional connection with one another. The last thing that you want to do is to bottle up your feelings and start thinking all different kinds of negative thoughts all alone. Trust your partner and let them know how you’re feeling quite often.
Your person has no idea how you’re feeling unless you tell them. That sounds like such a simple thing, but it’s very easy to forget and it’s good to remind yourself of that. Give them those words of affirmation, lovey lovey thoughts, and let them know when you’re feeling down or depressed.
Ways to Stay Connected:
- Have regular “check-in” conversations. I like this idea of doing check-ins every so often. Make it so it’s something of a habit that you do every day or maybe even once a week. Go straight to the nitty gritty and layout for each other the main things on your mind and how you’re feeling at this point in life.
- Be open about any insecurities you have. For example, if you’re scared of onions being cut and insecure about that fact, make it known early on so that when your partner is cooking y’all spaghetti it doesn’t become a huge dilemma. Insecurities can and will drag a relationship down and even possibly break it in the end.
7. Meet Each Other’s Friends and Family
Meeting your partner’s family is something that eventually happens once you make that leap into in-person dating. Make a good first impression and hopefully, they make a good impression on you as well! It certainly makes for a better time when you’re able to get along with your partner’s family.
Tips for Meeting The Fam:
- Be yourself; authenticity goes a long way. Don’t attempt to alter your personality to appear how you think they want you to be. That’s the last thing that you should do. It shows when you’re being fake and that in itself it not a good look.
- Prepare for questions from family and friends. This might sound a bit disingenuous and questionable, but it’ll help your peace of mind to know you’re prepared to answer the difficult questions on the spot. People love to ask questions to people they haven’t met before, especially family members of the one you’re partnering with.
8. Discuss Future Plans
Even though y’all are basking in the amazing feelings that come with being able to see your lover in the flesh, you should also find some time to contemplate the future. Are you both on the same page regarding where you would like to see yourselves in the next year? The next five years? Knowing where you both stand on these questions is very important to get out of the way early on.
Questions to Consider:
- What are your long-term relationship goals (marriage, style of wedding, etc.)?
- How do you feel about moving in with each other?
- Where do you want to be financially?
- What are your stances on having children?
- Do you need any pets?
- Is it important that you travel?
- What are your thoughts on remaining in contact with ex-partners?
These are just some things that you should discuss with each other to be aware of. If you know the answers to these things now, you won’t be hit by a curveball later on in the relationship that makes you question the relationship.
9. Address Any Changes in Dynamics
Going from long-distance to in-person dating could change the dynamics of your relationship. By that, I mean that unexpected developments might occur because you’re no longer dating through a screen. It’s possible, in fact extremely likely, that certain things about your relationship will change after you become an in-person couple.
When differences, surprises, and unexpected things occur after going from long-distance to in-person dating you’ll have to acknowledge their existence and talk through it. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.
Unrealistic expectations about your relationship can develop during your long-distance phase. You don’t see a lot of the things that you wouldn’t want to see until it comes time to move to in-person dating. It’s true that you don’t know someone until you live with them. Address any of these grievances that come up.
There are a few different examples of changes in dynamics to your relationship after transitioning to in-person dating. Your partner is much more introverted and reclusive than you really anticipated. Over time, you realize that they really never have any desire to go out and interact with others. Or maybe they have a very hard time with doing basic chores such as picking up their clothes that they put on the ground or putting trash into the trash can. There are so many things that will come up once you move to in-person dating; but these things don’t have to be that big of a deal if you talk with each other.
10. Have Fun and Enjoy the Journey
Forgetting all of that serious and boring talk for a moment, please remember to have fun! Transitioning from long-distance to in-person dating is nothing to be afraid of, this is the moment you’ve been waiting for for a long time and it will be so worth it. As long as you haven’t been catfished or lied to in any big way, meeting your long-distance lover is something to be extremely excited about.
For all you know, this is the person that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with so if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be. Meaning, you’ll be able to overcome any obstacles together if you two are a good fit for each other. And if you put it that way then there’s nothing to be afraid of. You guys are always a team that can topple any problems together. Enjoy each other.
