Considering my long-distance relationship led me to sharing a bed and toilet with the love of my life, I’d argue that long distance relationships are very worth it. That being said, I do understand why you might be concerned if a long-distance relationship is worth it. A relationship that exists across a large gap in space-time may seem like a difficult or even absurd concept to some. Committing to a relationship where you can’t touch the other person, or even speak to them face to face is hard pill to swallow. You might wonder if you can even call that a relationship; but a long-distance relationship is definitely a ‘real’ relationship in my humble opinion, it’s even got the word in the name.
There are many challenges that come with being in a long-distance relationship; but on the bright side, there are a ton of positives to make up for that. There are also a few ways of communicating with your partner to make things much easier on the both of you. My partner and I used to constantly talk on voice chat over Discord, text on Discord all throughout the day, video call after work, game together on League of Legends, it’s super important to communicate in a long-distance relationship. Arguments and meltdowns can and will happen throughout a long-distance relationship if y’all aren’t talking enough. You should try to stay cool when things are about to get heated, but I get it, sometimes our emotions get the best of us. These things can be prevented by simply talking to your partner in a calm manner and letting them know what you’re thinking and vise versa.
Even though you may live very far away from your partner, you can still spend time with them! Just because you aren’t in the same room, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t always be communicating and strengthening your bond in the ways available to us long-distancers (I just made that up). Yeah, it’s a heck of a lot more nice to be there in-person where you can smell and see your partner, but that doesn’t mean long distance relationships aren’t worth it.
Remember, you only have to make this crap work temporarily, that’s the shining beacon of hope which allows a long-distance relationship to function and eventually pull through, having that knowledge that you two will meet in-person one day. Long-distance relationships benefit greatly by having this hope, so does having grand plans, expectations, and aspirations of a future with the two of you. By knowing one day you will be in each other’s arms, you get strength to deal and cope with all of the challenges that a long-distance relationship brings.
Long-distance relationships aren’t for the faint of heart, you have to be a certain type of person to make it through. If physical touch is very important for you as person, then a long-distance relationship might not work for you. If you’re an insecure person who must know your partner’s location and/or what they’re doing at all times, then a long-distance relationship isn’t for you. You have to be able to put aside certain insecurities and simply trust your partner. This is more difficult to achieve in a long-distance relationship, especially if you’re someone who agonizes about these sorts of things; such as who your partner hangs out with, what she wears out, where she goes etc.
If you’re unable to simply trust your partner and act like a sane person who can handle a relationship, then a long-distance relationship, or any relationship for that matter, is not something that current you should get into. If you both want to consensually use an app that shows your current location, then I’d recommend Life360. It’s nice to have for those situations where you’re not sure if something’s wrong and you need to check where your partner is.
There are those people who can manage to pull off being in a long-distance relationship just fine. It might sound like I’ve been talking like a long-distance relationship is a constant hell, but that doesn’t have to be the case, a LDR can be very fulfilling, fun, and romantic. The long-distance portion of my relationship was a fun time overall and wasn’t a negative experience. Next, I’d like to talk about what type of person is really best suited to make a long distance-relationship work.
The Kind of Person Who Can Handle a Long Distance Relationship
On the topic of whether or not a long-distance relationship is worth it, I think that it’s important to be aware of a type of person who can make it work. Maybe you’re wondering if it’s going to work out for you, or if you should even jump into a LDR in the first place. As aforementioned, long-distance relationships are not for everyone.
I’ll say it right here, for this to work, you’re going to have to be the kind of person that can make a long distance relationship work, BOOM (that was deep). Well, no duh, Sherlock? I mean you’ll have to have to make sacrifices, you’ll have to adapt, and you’ll have to be strong, be able to squash insecurities, some of these things other people don’t have, or don’t have the patience for. Speaking of patience, that’s one of the first things you’ll need to make a LDR work, arguably the most important quality needed for this thing.
There are going to be many times when you want nothing more than to be in the arms of your person in that moment, but you can’t. Something terrible might happen in your life but your partner is still hundreds of miles away from you. Your dog might pass away, you were denied acceptance to your dream college, or something like that. There may even be days where you wonder if it’s really worth it to continue the whole long-distance thing; and it’s really all up to you and how much you value your partner and your relationship.
Some Reasons That a Long Distance Relationship Can Fail
Long-distance relationships can eventually set you up with your lifelong partner, soulmate, ride or die shawty, whatever you want to call it, having you end up in a love story from Twilight. That’s the ideal scenario, something that we would love to see come to fruition, and with a good amount of luck and some effort it can happen. Some people get lucky and even find ‘the one’ on their very first go at long-distance relationships. Not all of us can be so lucky, sometimes your long-distance relationship can and will fail for this reason or that, many times it’s a combination of multiple reasons at the same time.
A lack of intimacy is part of the nature of long-distance relationships, both of you will come to feel this (or not feel anything) as the time goes on. You’ll crave to be snuggled up in your partner’s lap or to be able to hold them in your arms, and it’s rough knowing that you simply can’t at the moment, or be able to for a very long time. And yeah it sucks, but lots of people do it, some hold out for many years, so why can’t you do that as well, for the right person?
There are ways to cope with the lack of intimacy in long-distance relationships. It helps to set a date that the two of you will be with one another for good; having this day to look forward to, and just knowing that it exists is an immense help for your happiness and mental health in a LDR. If possible, having regular or semi-regular meetups can satisfy those intimacy desires temporarily. Personally, I’d rather my first meetup be the last meetup, as in, once we meetup the first time we’re together from now on. It’s so difficult to say goodbye to your partner and then go back to the long-distance grind. You can always invest in a body pillow to hold you over in the meantime; sounds silly, but hey it’s not the worst thing you could do!
If you have no plans in your long-distance relationship to meetup, and then eventually live together, that is something which can cause a LDR to fail. If it’s a situation where one of you is adamantly expressing a desire to live together and the other person is hesitant, then you need to talk it out and figure out what’s going on up in their melon. Misaligned life goals can be a reason that an eventual living situation is impossible for you two, and that’s usually cause for breakup.
You can also video call and/or talk to your partner on the phone as much as possible because it’s the next best thing to actually being there with them. Calling can hold you over for a good while, but it really just depends on the person. Some people just need that intimacy much sooner and more often the others, and some of us can bear with it for longer. I can do long distance for my girl as long as need be as long as we get to be together in the end, I think that’s a mindset that can really make a long-distance relationship work. Discord is probably the most common way to communicate online nowadays, it’s pretty good and I’d recommend using it for connecting with your LDR partner.
Trust and insecurity issues and other similar things like that become amplified by a few times when it comes to long-distance relationships. You must be able to fully trust your partner and not fall into a terrible cycle of questioning everything and everyone they hang out with. If you can’t do that from the get go, you’ll have to learn how to do it quickly or your relationship won’t last or it’ll become very toxic and that’s not cool at all. If your partner is someone who would cheat on you, then it wouldn’t have worked anyways, nor should you want to be with that person, which is one way to look at it.
Besides, there aren’t many things more off-putting than uncontrolled insecurity when it comes to relationships. Insecurity about your smelly toes or bushy nose hairs is perfectly fine and understandable, who doesn’t have some insecurities? But if you question every little thing your partner does because of your lack of emotional maturity and ability to handle a real relationship then it’s just not going to be a good time for either of you and the relationship will probably fail in the end. If you’re prone to this sort of behavior, I think that working on yourself before committing to a long-distance relationship is the play.
Another reason I think that long-distance relationships can fail is because of a lack of communication. You have to maintain an emotional connection with your partner and continuously share your feelings, and just talk about anything and everything. That doesn’t mean you have to be on a call with them 24/7, but a reasonable amount of time per day or multiple times per week would be great. If too much time elapses between spending time with your partner, or the frequency of your connections is too little, then the both of you can grow apart which can lead to one or both of you losing interest in the relationship. People can and do fall out of love all of the time, it’s a very scary thing to think about, but that’s why communication is key in long-distance relationships.
In Conclusion, Are Long Distance Relationships Worth It?
This really comes down to a matter of personal opinion. In my opinion, yes, it’s very much worth it because a long-distance relationship can lead you to meeting your forever person. Like I mentioned before, the long distance aspect of the relationship, as in, the part of the relationship that comes before closing the gap, doesn’t have to suck. Long-distance relationships have a reputation for being constant hardship and struggle, but one just has to adjust their mindset and expectations properly. Try to go into it with the mindset of being totally content with just hearing your partner’s voice that day, knowing that even though you can’t be next to them now, but you will be one day.
When signing on the dotted line of the long-distance relationship contract, dispel any delusional thoughts of intimacy sooner rather than later. Life happens, and we can’t always close the gap as soon as we’d like. Whether it is financial constraints, health reasons, work reasons, sickness in the family, something always gets in the way. During rough times like those, a physical connection with your partner makes a huge difference, but it’s not realistic in most long-distance relationships. Stay strong out there y’all, I know how hard it can be, but if you can just keep getting through each day, the time will come. It will be all worth it, please don’t give up on something amazing. You should know if this person is worth waiting on or not.
Keep loving your partner and every day that you get to call them your boyfriend/girlfriend. Cherish those late-night phone calls and movie nights, they’ll be fond memories that you will look back upon later in life and smile at. Don’t treat the days during your long-distance relationship as nuisances and something that must pass more quickly. Live your life at the same time, I don’t recommend the habit of time-wasting. Use your strong desire to be with your partner as fuel to make your long-distance relationship work, it will be worth it in the end.
